Banter & Fictional Friendships
Hello, bookdragons! Today’s post is going to be a bit different (and maybe a bit niche). To be honest, this was never meant to be a full post. I’m reading a YA sci-fi/futuristic novel right now (full review coming after I’ve finished it!), and this topic was something that crossed my radar. Originally, it was going to be a short bullet point. However, the more I thought about it…the more it expanded…I didn’t want it to “overshadow” the rest of my review, so it’s getting a post of its own! 1
Also, literature – and what makes good literature – is something that I am very passionate about. I have discovered that the more I learn what makes good literature good, the more it helps me in my own writer journey. So whether you are a reader or a writer, I hope this post helps and interests you!
What is it?
Banter. We’ve all heard that term thrown around. It’s a fairly common description in YA and MG fiction these days. You’ve seen the social media posts with that cute book cover and all those little arrows coming from it with different tropes or ideas that this story promises to give you. One of the prevailing themes goes something like this…
“Lots of banter”
“Friendly banter”
“Banter!”
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, “banter” is “to speak to or address in a witty and teasing manner.” It’s friends laughing over inside jokes, messing around with each other, or even engaging in a battle of wits. But what are its effects on friendships in fiction, and is it something we need to step back and reconsider? Scenes with banter in books are not going to make me close it and walk away in frustration, but the way it’s evolved over time is enough to make me pause.
The Effects of Modern Banter on Friendship
According to the Bible, friendship is a bond of unity with someone where each party is strengthened and encouraged by the relationship. As Christians, we build one another up. This is something which is highlighted over and over in God’s word as verse after verse exhorts us in this manner. Another aspect of being close friends with someone is that you enjoy time and conversation together. “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22) So what does this have to do with the modern trend of “banterships?”2
Well, take some of the trademarks of “banter-friendships” – usually these people are constantly teasing each other. It seems fun, innocent, and wholesome – and most of the time, it is. But when it becomes the hallmark of a “friendship,” look a little closer – typically these people are calling each other out on mistakes, using adjectives like “stupid” or “idiot” in what is supposed to be a “joking, fun” way…and something using them as often as the name of the friend. These characters are pushing each other’s buttons…and that’s about it.3 Sure, if there is a crisis, they’re going to save their friend. But when things get back to normal – or even during a crisis moment – this banter returns, and the serious moments tend to fade into the background.
I also have definite opinions on using terms like “dumb” or “stupid” to describe others, especially people close to you. I believe, even in fun, these are words that we need to limit (or you don’t have to use them!) Even spoken teasingly, it’s hard to say how much that is going to affect the other person, especially if there are things going on in their life you don’t know about. I didn’t mean it to get this deep, but there are many people struggling with insecurity. They have a hard time believing God’s Word about being made in His image. A single word could be enough to reinforce all those internal lies. They may never show it, laughing it off instead, but it could replay in their head late at night very differently. Besides, there are many other phrases or actions out there that can give a smile without an inner pain (“Fool of a Took” is quite underrated!) A laugh and a head shake. A grin as you say their name. A joke about the situation in general.
The Evolution of Banter Over Time
It is my opinion that while the definition of banter has stayed the same over time (ie “to speak to or address in a witty and teasing manner” according to our helpful dictionary) the application of it has shifted…and not always for the better.
For example, two of my favorite stories – Lord of the Rings and Pride & Prejudice – both have many scenes of lighthearted, witty bantering between characters. Who can forget the verbal sparring scenes between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy?
“It is your turn to say something now, Mr. Darcy. I talked about the dance, and you ought to make some kind of remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples.”
He smiled, and assured her that whatever she wished him to say should be said.
“Very well. That reply will do for the present. Perhaps by and by I may observe that private balls are much pleasanter than public ones. But now we may be silent.”
“Do you talk by rule then, while you are dancing?”
“Sometimes. One must speak a little, you know. It would look odd to be entirely silent for half an hour together, and yet for the advantage of some, conversation ought to be so arranged as that they may have the trouble of saying as little as possible.”
The second example is from The Lord of the Rings. The hobbits keep up a running stream of banter in the first book, The Fellowship of the Ring, and it shows up at various points later – especially with Merry and Pippin. It’s a mark of their friendship.
‘And what about your companions? What about Legolas and me?’ cried Gimli, unable to contain himself longer. ‘You rascals, you woolly-footed and woolpated truants…And here we find you feasting and idling – and smoking… Hammer and tongs! I am so torn between rage and joy, that if I do not burst, it will be a marvel!’
‘You speak for me, Gimli,’ laughed Legolas. ‘Though I would sooner learn how they came by the wine.’
‘One thing you have not found in your hunting, and that’s brighter wits,’ said Pippin, opening an eye. ‘Here you find us sitting on a field of victory, amid the plunder of armies, and you wonder how we came by a few well-earned comforts!’
The ribbing here is good-natured and lighthearted compared to the intellectual banter between Lizzy and Darcy. However, neither of these instances rely on terms like “stupid” or deriding tones to convey a sense of banter. In fact, if you look at it, both examples of “banter” are focused more on the situation (forced proximity in a ballroom and finding friends after a battle) than on the person. Words are weapons, and even in teasing, that has to be in the front of our minds. It’s more verbal sparring, but underneath is clear respect or compassion (even if, with Pride & Prejudice, the main characters don’t know it yet.)
At the End of the Day…
As humans, we absorb what we read. How often have you and your family or friends laughed over that one line for a book or scene from a movie? Literature affects your mind and influences you more than you think.
My concern is for the next generation, maybe those who don’t have exposure to classic literature, and who absorb this “bantership” as something completely healthy in every friendship. They see cracking a joke at someone else’s expense as normal even in tense situations. Who needs serious conversations when you can mess around with your friends, laughing and keeping up a witty stream of banter instead?
I love funny relationships between characters and that one side character who always has the perfect witty remark. However, if this is the constant marker of a relationship and we never get to see any other way of the characters interacting, it begins to get a bit much. It doesn’t give your reader that “caught off guard smile.” They expect it and don’t remember the specific scenes with it. I can name the exact scenes where banter is used in The Lord of the Rings, but in modern stories, I often can’t remember a certain instance as it is all over the place.
Banter is like sprinkles – light and sugary, added in here and there to bring sparks of joy. If it’s not overused, it can make the reader laugh and chances are you’ll have them laughingly quote those words around their friends or family. But when you drown the main portion of your story in sprinkles, it isn’t as impactful. I love a serving of sprinkles in the story every now and then though. I thought it was interesting to see how “witty sparring” evolved into “banter.” I think the more we can study classic literature, the more we can learn about our own writing!
Until next time, keep writing & remember God loves you!
I want to preface this by saying all the opinions here are strictly my own.
“Banter” + “Friendship” Yes, I made this word up :)
I hate to use the word “shallow” but as a reader, it feels like that a little bit to me.
I think one of the difficulties about friendships in the written medium is that it is difficult to depict the silence of friendship. As someone who loves to talk, I find that it is with my closest friends that I am most comfortable in silence.
Studies show that friendships with a lot of teasing tend to last longer. It shows intimacy and checks people's egos.